It is advised to see an infertility specialst if you have had 2 or more miscarriages. Do you think women should be tested routinely after one miscarriage to prevent the heartache of a second one?
How many of you vowed that this would be the year? 2013 would be the year you get pregnant, deliver a healthy baby or adopt? Here we are nearing the end of the first month of 2013 and you may be getting anxious because you don’t feel any closer to your goal. The boost of optimism from the new year is wearing off.
Hang in there folks! Try not to be discouraged.
1. Review your plan and extend it out for the next three years.
2. Make a list of plan B, C, D…that way you will know what is next.
3. Write out all the worse case scenarios and play them out one step further. Make a plan to handle each scenario and reassure yourself you can handle each one.
4. Ask yourself, “Have I done everything I think is reasonable to reach my goal today.” Think about “just for today”.
5. Remember you are not alone. Think of all the other women/men who have the same goal as you that are also feeling discouraged right now. What would you say to them to make them feel better? Now write that to yourself. Hang in there!
According to the RESOLVE website Luteal Phase Defect is:
Abnormalities in endometrial development — luteal phase defect (LPD) – are associated with infertility and early miscarriage. Luteal phase defect occurs when the endometrium is inadequately prepared, either because the secretion of progesterone by the ovary is below normal or because the endometrium isn’t responding to the normal stimulation by progesterone.
To read more about this condition read the whole article here:
One thing that was always comforting for me was to remember that God is working behind the scenes on my behalf. All the time. He is making things happen, allowing others to happen in my favor! He is doing that for you too.
Going through infertility feels like you have to make all these decisions and if you make the wrong one you won’t end up with a baby. And even when you think you’ve made the best decision or the right decision you end up with a negative pregnancy test or a miscarriage. How can that be?
I don’t know, and the best thing is stop trying to figure out why. You may never know this side of heaven. I used to try to convince myself that we miscarried because that baby wasn’t the right one for us or would have been born with disabilities. But then we traveled half-way around the world to adopt and it turns out our adopted son has emotional and behavioral disabilities. I still don’t know how why that is a part of God’s plan but I just have to trust him. The fact is I don’t know why we had to have miscarriage as a part of our journey. But God does.
6 months from now you may be holding your new baby through adoption. 6 months from now you may be 4 months pregnant. 6 months from now you may get a positive pregnancy test for the first time. We don’t know but God does! He knows what is going to happen 6 months from now and wants us to be patient. If you have ever planned a surprise party for someone you know how excited you are for that person and can’t wait to share the surprise. God has those surprises for you, in his time and he can’t wait to see your face. Try to focus on that moment. Try to believe that that moment will come.
Have you gone through a time that you have questioned past decisions? Maybe you would have gotten pregnant without Clomid? Maybe you should have tried IVF? Maybe you should have looked into alternative medicine? Maybe you should have looked at adoption earlier? Maybe you should have used an egg donor?
There are all kinds of “Maybes”. The fact is you made the best decision with the information you had at the time. In most cases you had to also agree with your spouse about the decision. Don’t ask questions that don’t have answers (I wonder if we would have used donor eggs we would have been pregnant this time?) But get all the information you can for your next decision and go from there.
Are you stuck on some past decisions that you keep thinking about?
Are you one of the millions affected by Endometriosis? Here are the facts about this disorder:
Endometriosis is a disorder of the female reproductive system in which endometrial tissue (the normal lining of the uterus) is found outside the uterine cavity. An estimated three to five million American women of reproductive age suffer from endometriosis. This disease is prevalent in women 30-40 years of age, though it can begin in the late teens and early twenties. About 40% of patients with endometriosis will experience some degree of infertility.
Some studies report as high as a 36% spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) rate in women with endometriosis versus 15% in the normal population.
Although the symptoms vary from person to person, be sure to ask your physician if you suspect you might have Endo. It can sometimes be overlooked or misdiagnosed.
Some of the symptoms to watch for are:
Symptoms Women with endometriosis often, but not always, have one or more of the following symptoms:
You can read the full article here on the RESOLVE website:
My New Years reading is the Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren. I read it when it first came out but it is good to reread. One of the points that was made was that “Life is a test”. He explains how everything from our attitude in traffic to what we choose to spend our money on is a test, a test of our values, character, faith and God is watching. I found that comforting. Some may be turned off by that thinking God is watching from heaven just waiting for us to screw up, but I see it as him being the only one that may recognize the nice things we do or the things we endure or in the case of infertility the pain we have withstood and the patience we continue to have to press on. He notices these things and is proud of us when we handle it well (or even not so well). He notices all the little things and all the little things add up to big things.
I think some of the tests are from God but others are because we live in a fallen world and there is sin, sickness, tornadoes and infertility. I have let go of trying to figure out if God planned for me to go through infertility or if he just allowed it to happen because he knew it would shape me into the person I am today. Either way He is watching how I handle it. He understands the days I’m angry, he allows me to question him but he also rejoices when I ultimately turn it over to him and trust him.
I don’t believe it is like a college test and if you pass enough of them you get your degree. With fertility it is not that you have to go through so much with a cheery attitude and then you will be presented with a baby, I don’t think it works that way. But God grieves with you and hopes you will find comfort in the Bible and keep pressing on. Remember the answer to your prayer may not be a “No”, it may just be a “Wait.”
Here is a five day series on setting goals for the new year!
You have 5 days to get your New Years Resolutions done
(do I sound like your 8th grade teacher?). I looked back at a few of mine and saw “Have another baby” at the top a few years in a row. If this is at the top of your list (or “Have a baby”) then you need a plan to make your dream come true. This week I will give a few exercises you can do to help you narrow your efforts and focus on what is most important.
Excercise 1: Make a list of all the ways you could become a parent and add the option of living chid-free:
1. Conceive naturally and carry baby to term
2. Conceive with assisted reproduction and carry baby to term
3. Use third-party reproduction (egg donor, sperm donor, surrogate)
4. Adopt through domestic adoption
5. Adopt through international adoption
6. Adopt through foster-care
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