My New Years reading is the Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren. I read it when it first came out but it is good to reread. One of the points that was made was that “Life is a test”. He explains how everything from our attitude in traffic to what we choose to spend our money on is a test, a test of our values, character, faith and God is watching. I found that comforting. Some may be turned off by that thinking God is watching from heaven just waiting for us to screw up, but I see it as him being the only one that may recognize the nice things we do or the things we endure or in the case of infertility the pain we have withstood and the patience we continue to have to press on. He notices these things and is proud of us when we handle it well (or even not so well). He notices all the little things and all the little things add up to big things.
I think some of the tests are from God but others are because we live in a fallen world and there is sin, sickness, tornadoes and infertility. I have let go of trying to figure out if God planned for me to go through infertility or if he just allowed it to happen because he knew it would shape me into the person I am today. Either way He is watching how I handle it. He understands the days I’m angry, he allows me to question him but he also rejoices when I ultimately turn it over to him and trust him.
I don’t believe it is like a college test and if you pass enough of them you get your degree. With fertility it is not that you have to go through so much with a cheery attitude and then you will be presented with a baby, I don’t think it works that way. But God grieves with you and hopes you will find comfort in the Bible and keep pressing on. Remember the answer to your prayer may not be a “No”, it may just be a “Wait.”