Is there one person you haven’t told about your struggles with infertility that you think might be a good support person? What is holding you back from sharing with that person?
This Wednesday all I can think to write is to acknowledge how hard it is to wait. There are coping skills to help us through, tricks to help us pass the time, but the fact is, it is incredibly difficult to wait and continually be disappointed. My heart goes out to you today if you are in the waiting period. I won’t say “Hang in there!” or “Just be patient!” Today I just want to empathize with you.
Note: Miracle Monday for this week will be posted later in the week.
This is a small study but offers some statistics on Open Adoption:
A study by Grotevant and McRoy, published in 1998, reported that 72 percent of adoptive parents were satisfied with their birth mothers and nearly all but one birth mother in the study were satisfied with their contact with the adoptive parents. Further study reported two-thirds of agencies grew to endorse open adoption practices in less than a decade.
I know the prospect, the idea, of an open adoption scared me in the beginning. I think this statistic shows that people can usually work through this unique type of relationship. As any relationship there may be bumps and things that need to be worked through but for the most part this is a workable relationship, one that benefits the child.
Do you ever schedule time when you decide you will NOT think about infertility? Like taking a day off? A day you don’t worry, a day you don’t look at the fertility calendar a day you don’t Google anything baby related? I know when you’re in the midst of it that can be hard and seem counterproductive but it actually can help clear your mind and give yourself a break.
For this Wednesday, journal about something you’ve had to wait for in the past. A college acceptance letter? A job? Meeting the right spouse? How does waiting to get pregnant/bring home a child differ from that experience? How are they the same? What did you do to get through your waiting before? Would that help now?
Here are some statistics on the actual cost of treatments. Remember often insurance does not pay for these costs. This is from the RESOLVE website:
The American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) lists the average price of an in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle in the U.S. to be $12,400. (ASRM does not qualify if this includes medications.) RESOLVE encourages all clinics to post updated pricing on their websites.
Several interesting trends in clinic pricing have surfaced:
For more info read the whole fact sheet here.
We are reading “Hannah’s Hope” by Jennifer Saake this summer and reviewing the book chapter by chapter. Last week we read Chapter 1: Family Ties. In this first chapter the author provides a little history on the biblical character of Hannah. Hannah’s struggles to conceive is one of the most memorable in the Bible but it is preceded by other women, Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, who also struggled to have children. All of these women’s hearts ached to have children. It defined who they wanted to be. Even after all these years I believe it is the same. Author Jennifer points out that she always knew she wanted to be a mother and that motherhood was the career of choice for her. She also acknowledges that some women don’t feel the desire to have children until later in life. The goal is still the same.
In comparing Hannah’s life to her own struggles the similarities are many. We often define ourselves by what we do and who our family is. If our family is not what we hoped it to be we feel a loss. We feel judged, we feel less than what we hoped for. Hannah had a lower status in her society, although that has changed we may feel like we don’t measure up to our friends/family who also have children.
I was inspired by her honesty when she wrote:
“While He may indeed plan to add children to your life, I honestly do not believe that every couple seeking hard after God’s heart is guaranteed a child.”
I think too often, especially in the Christian circles we hear, “Oh it will happen for you, just be patient!” Or “If you just pray enough or long enough God will answer your prayers!”
I think people are turned off by that and really do want to hear the truth. The comfort she does offer is that although God may not give everyone a child He does have the power to heal your heart and give you a new passion. Personally I have seen this in two different couples that I know.
I loved how the chapter ends with three sections that will help us process what we have read, in an effort to process what we are going through. Ms. Saake ends the chapter with a “For Further Thought” (a question to think about, discuss or share), Heart Treasures (further Bible reading brings us back to what God has said on the matter) and Burden Bearers (tips for friends/family that may be reading this in an effort to help support someone going through infertility.)
For Chapter 1 the Further Thought question she poses is:
“How do you define family? Does you current family circumstance meet your definition? Does your definition agree with God’s definition?”
Personally I struggled with secondary infertility, so having only one child was not the family I saw myself with. I could not imagine having only one child, that wasn’t an option. Then it began to be a few years that we struggled to have our second living child so my concept of having children that were years apart was nagging at me. I didn’t see that as “my” family either. What kind of sibling bonding could occur if my kids were 5 years apart. How could my son grow up without a brother/sister? That is how I felt at the time. I had a hard time trusting that God knew what He wanted my family to look like and that it was part of His plan.
Read Chapter 2 for next week but feel free to share your thoughts here, “How do you define family?”
Take time to visit the author’s blog and Facebook page at:
This week I found the “Believe Fertility Foundation” they offer financial aid for women who are low-income or have no insurance coverage for infertility. Check out their website here:
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