This website provides programs that help finance IVF and offer cost-sharing programs:
Women’s Health, U.S.A.
If you are experiencing secondary infertility (you already have one or more children but are having difficulty having another) and you are considering adoption, do you worry about how an adopted brother or sister would affect your current child/ren? What would be the benefits? What would be the struggles?
Today I give you permission to dream a bit. Allow yourself to believe it will happen. Give yourself the timeline of 2 years. What would your life be like if you gave birth (or adopted) in two years from today? If you knew for sure this would be true would you be more patient or would it be harder to know you would have to wait that long? Allow yourself moments to believe this will happen even if it is just for a day.
Often overlooked in the world of infertility is the decision for couples to decide to live childfree. If you are at any stage of infertility it is important to read these facts and myths about this decision. Here are the first few but take time to read the whole article:
Myth: Remaining childfree means remaining just as miserable as we are right now.
Fact: Only part of your current pain is from actual lack of a child. Some of it is part of a grief process you’re in the midst of. Another part is the maddening uncertainty of whether or not you will ever get to be a parent.
Myth: A Childfree life is an empty life.
Fact: Living childfree is empty for the couples who do not find new interests. Childfree people fill their lives with work, hobbies, artistic endeavors, political causes and they also fill them with children! Children involved in organizations such as Big Brothers and Big Sisters, Scouts, etc.,
Myth: Childfree living is never a choice if you are infertile.
Fact: Certainly for many people, alternatives such as adoption, donor insemination, and in vitro fertilization are preferable. For those couples, childfree living would be the end of the road. For some couples however, those who are forced to re-examine their values, remaining childfree is a good decision. For them it is the next best thing, right after biological parenthood.
In Chapter 8 of “Hannah’s Hope” by Jennifer Saake the author asks “Can we trust God?” She talks about a turning point in her journey when she finally raised her arms to God and gave it all over to Him. She says, “In my quest for answers, I came face to face with the bitter reality that I wanted to let God be my Lord only as long as He did things on my terms.”
She compares this to the agony that Hannah felt that led her to finally surrender when she began to realize the same “pain and peace in letting go of her illusion of control.”
This applies to the whole journey of infertility as well as when you DO become a parent. I was so worried when we finally did become pregnant that we would miscarry, then I worried I would go into preterm labor, then I worried the babies wouldn’t survive the NICU, then I worried about SIDS. All of those things were out of my control. I did what I could, followed the doctors orders and all the “rules” but beside that it was still up to God.
In a week I will send my kids off to school and there are worries. But I am such a stronger person for having gone through what I went through that my trust in God allows me to enjoy my kids without unneeded worry. In the “For Further Thought” section the author shares how she has kept journals of life lessons she has learned. She uses them during times of distress and times when God seems to be absent. This is such a great idea because although we know God has been faithful in the past it is easy to forget and to believe “How on earth is God going to make anything good out of THIS?” whatever “this” may be for you. Look back and see all the times He has come through for you.
If you are looking into the option of using donor eggs here is one site that states the success rates. Remember the success rates vary from clinic to clinic and this is just an example I found on-line. More comprehensive statistics can be found at SART.
This week we look at chapter 7, “Two Hearts Beating as One…Sometimes”, from “Hannah’s Hope” by Jennifer Saake. The chapter begins with this verse from 1 Samuel:
“Elkanah her husband would say to her, ‘Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?'”
1 Samuel 1:8
Husbands and wives deal with things in different ways, we know that, but when it comes to infertility, month after month, year after year the differences can wear on any couple. Jennifer states:
“He (her husband) could analyze and compartmentalized while my every thought was consumed with the desire for motherhood.”
For me it was all-consuming as well. I can so relate with that.
Later in the chapter she discusses two difficult topics, submission in marriage and your sex life. First of all she says how important it is to follow the biblical definition of submitting to your husband. He needs to be included in all family building decisions. He needs to be respected as the leader of the family.
Secondly when it comes to your sex life you need to discuss openly your concerns:
“God intended the marriage bed not only for procreation and for pleasure, but also for comfort.”
This chapter emphasizes the need to keep your marriage strong and united, to understand the differences between you and your spouse and to put things in perspective. She ends with:
“With or without children, strive to bless one another.”
I will be taking the week of from blogging but will start up agian on Monday. Have a good week!
In Chapter 6 of “Hannah’s Hope” by Jennifer Saake, the author compares the weariness of having a chronic disease will having infertility. In her early twenties she fell ill and for months the doctors were unable to find what was wrong. Finally a diagnosis was given and it was an illness that would not go away but as she put it, “‘be a thorn in my flesh’ for as long as I live.”
Those of you who have “unexplained” infertility may be so frustrated. You believe that if you knew what was wrong then you could fix it. Often that is the case. But sometimes knowing may lead to answers you don’t want to hear.
Either way the parallel is that, as with chronic illness, infertility shapes who you become. The pain, the hurt of the struggle may lessen but it never fully goes away. Even if you conquer your infertility.
Holidays, anniversaries will all be reminders of what you went through. Especially anniversaries of losses you may have had or due dates that never came to be. And the dreaded mother’s day. If you are not a mother, and long to be, this can be one of the hardest times of the year.
I love how she ended the chapter with a verse from Proverbs:
“Even in laughter the heart may ache.” Proverbs 14:13
She is encouraging you to know someday you will laugh again, even if you believe the pain will never go away. You will laugh again, and you don’t need to feel guilty when that time comes.
Does insurance cover infertility treatments?
The answer, of course is, it varies. The RESOLVE website has several resources on the topic of Insurance coverage but the first place to start is with your own insurance company. Have specific questions ready. Here you will find great information:
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