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In “Hannah’s Hope” by Jennifer Saake, Chapter 4 discusses the husband’s perspective, titled “Because He Loved Her”.  From the first part of the chapter she writes:

“Little frustrates a man more than feeling inadequate to prevent his wife’s pain.”

This is a powerful statement that really underlies the struggle men have with infertility.  They want to fix-it and they can’t.  They hate to see their wife go through so much struggle and there is seemingly nothing they can do to make it all better.  She goes on to explain that what may appear that your husband doesn’t care as much as you do or that he’s not sensitive or grieving with you is actually his attempt to stay strong.

She goes on to explain some of the issues that men face, from having to provide a sample to the temptation of infidelity.  Infertility puts pressure on couples.  Being aware of the pitfalls that are unique to infertility can help couples support one another.  They can also stay strong together, supporting one anther no matter which partner has the medical issues.  Jennifer writes this about her husband:

“One of the most loving gifts Rick ever gave me was his ongoing assurance that infertility was our battle, not my humiliation to bear alone.”

In my own journey I was the one that physically had the “problem”.  I was born with a septate uterus and short cervix.  Not my fault, I didn’t know I had it but that was how I was.  My husband never blamed me and supported me as it was now “our” issue.  That helped immensely for the undeserved guilt that I carried around.

Men and women are clearly different and God has put us together to complement each other in the good times and bad.  This chapter helped me understand even more what my husband was going through.

-Cindy

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