When we read chapter one of “Hannah’s Hope” it asked for us to define family. What does that mean to you? If you changed your definition would it be easier? Or would you consider that not being true to yourself?
When I was little I knew I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up (and a Mom!). When I look at that goal I didn’t just sit back and hope it would happen, I followed the steps of education and training I needed to get my degree and become a teacher. But that was how I defined myself at the time. Had something happened that prevented me from becoming a teacher I would have been heartbroken. I was so sure that was what was best for me. Infertility is similar in that if you have your heart set on being a mom it is so difficult to be patient and trust God’s timing. I had to just accept that I didn’t understand how God was working and probably wouldn’t until I got to heaven. But it was (and still is) hard to believe that. How can losing a child be a part of God’s plan for anyones life?
One thing I wish I had done was accept the family I had at the time and live more in the present. Not ignore my feelings or deny the pain but try to live with the family I had (my husband and son) and focus on that more. I think it is human nature to strive for the next thing whatever that may be and I don’t think that is necessarily bad. But you do need to have a balance.
As you try to define what your family should be, try to make room for Plan B (or C,D,E…). I never thought I would adopt and yet I am amazed at what a hoot it is to have a daughter like my Lexi! A “Lexi” would have never come from me and my husband’s introverted genes!
God does have a plan. His plan is good.