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The blog I referred to yesterday was gently written by a woman who is not yet a mom and try to convey how difficult it was to convince others that there is no substitute for being a mom.  Comments like, “Well you are the best aunt!” or “Why don’t you do Big Brother, Big Sister” are not helpful.  She explained how these experiences, while great, are not the same as being a mom.  It is so true.

People want to smooth things over for people.  Instead of a, “Wow, it must be very hard for you, I’m so sorry.”  They try to make it all better or try to convince us it’s not that bad.  Being an aunt is being an aunt.  It is not the same as being a mom.

There is also a need for people to minimize the stress.  “Oh just be patient, my cousin took 4 years before they got pregnant.  It will happen in time.”  First of all patience has probably already been exhausted by the time you share your story and secondly hearing others success stories is not always that helpful.

You need to decide who is on your “support team”.  Think of comments like these as part of an interview.  If they make these comments you can either educate them and hope they change or not let them advance to the next round.

The more blogs I read the more I wish I had had these connections when I was going through all of this.  Those who have been through it really are the ones who understand the best.

-Cindy

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