Each week you will have an assignment to help you get through the waiting time. Doesn’t matter if you are in the 2 week wait to see if you’re pregnant, if you are waiting for your next round of IVF, waiting for a call from a birth mom or waiting to hear from your adoption counselor about when you can go to Korea to pick-up your daughter. The waiting is hard and hopefully this will help:
1. Redirect your Thoughts: Each week I will give you a new topic to think about. So every time you think you feel a cramp, or your cell rings, or you longingly see a pregnant lady at the mall, acknowledge your feeling and then automatically think about this weeks topic.
Topic 6: Unique Jobs (The idea is to choose a topic that is not baby/family related and to explore something new. Google it today to learn a few things and then keep coming back to what you have learned or learn something new each day. Every time you have a baby-thought/worry redirect your thoughts “If I don’t get pregnant this month I will…STOP-REDIRECT…if I quit my job today and was guaranteed another job I would choose to be a _________________. I wonder what it would really be like to work on a Cruise Ship, run my own Boutique, be a florist, be a heart surgeon…” )
2. Give yourself permission to do one baby related thing each week.
Baby Assignment 6: For your Baby Binder this week describe your ideal family. Maybe you already have one child and are experiencing secondary infertility. Maybe you are struggling to have your first but are worried because you were hoping to have a big family. Write a brief description of what you dream your family to look like when it is complete. Example: “My dream family would be four kids, two boys, two girls, all two years apart and our dog.” Then mentally take yourself through some of the milestones your dream family might encounter. Imagined when the oldest is 10 and you all decide to drive to the Grand Canyon. Imagine sitting on the sidelines of your son’s soccer game while the other kids play with the teammates’ kids. Imagine your daughters borrowing each other’s clothes before their high school dance. Let yourself imagine your dream.
*Note about The Baby Binder: Week 1 you are supposed to create a Baby Binder. This is a place to keep your dreams. You have probably already thought about all you want for your baby but this provides a place to keep it all in one place. There may be times you want to throw the binder out the window because you are convinced it will never come true. There may come a time when you have to make a NEW binder (for me my new binder was a “Toddler from Ukraine Binder”). But that does not mean that you never had the baby dream and that you can’t keep it and go back and look at it as an acknowledgment of what you hoped for. In the meantime it can be a hopeful reminder that it might just be a matter of time before your dream comes true.
3. Have a Damage Control Plan: If by next Wednesday you are not pregnant or did not get the call, have a plan. Update your plan weekly if need be.
Damage Control Plan:
Part 1: What are you going to do to comfort yourself?
“If I find out I’m not pregnant by next week I am going to (watch a specific movie, go out to dinner with your husband, donate $20 to your favorite cause, have a night out with my girlfriends…)
Part 2: What is the next step in your Family Building Plan?
You ay need to discuss this with your doctor ahead of time and there may be new information gained from a failed pregnancy attempt, so factor that in, but an example would be, “This is the 5th IUI that didn’t work so now our plan is to attend the next IVF meeting at the clinic on ___________ (fill in the specific time/date).”
That’s your assignment for this week. What are some of the things you have done in the past to help with the waiting?