In the book “When the Cradle is Empty” by John and Sylvia Van Regenmorter, Chapter 4 is titled “How Can You Cope While You Hope?” They list 8 strategies to help deal with infertility:
1. Nourish relationships with those who understand
3. Get online support
4. Spend time with energizers
5. Take a dose of “R and R”
6. Be honest with yourself and your physician
7. Consider professional counseling
8. Practice powerful prayer
These are really great strategies. The one that sticks out to me, that is not as obvious, is the first one. I know I spent too much time worrying about what others would think and trying to figure out how to convince some people that our choices were the best ones for us. I should have spent more time with the people who understood and were supportive. So making a conscious effort on who to spend time with is important and goes along with number 4, “Spend time with energizes”.
Also don’t be discouraged by number eight, “practice powerful prayer”. I think sometimes the message we get from the church is if we just prayed better or more often or we had more people praying for us our prayers would be answered. I don’t believe that at all. My guess is praying is not a new strategy at all and if anything it seems more frustrating because you have been pleading with God in your prayers probably for a long time for a baby. Sometimes my prayer was this,
“Dear God, I know you know what I’m going to pray for today…yes…a baby. If you know what I want, what I long for, why haven’t you answered my prayers? Why are you making us wait so long? Why do you seem to be silent? I know you know me, and you see my heart. Please comfort me now with all my unanswered questions. Amen.”
I think God wants us to be honest with him. He knows what we are thinking and he understands. Sometimes you just have to trust he is working behind the scenes but can’t tell us what the plan is yet, like a surprise birthday party. But it is still hard.