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What do you do at Christmas to remember baby(s) you have lost through miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death?  The first few years the feelings were raw and I didn’t want it to be swept under the rug.  Each Christmas after a loss I wanted to acknowledge that there should have been gifts under the tree for that child, a stocking stuffed with books and toys.  Those babies were a part of our family for some part of the previous year and I wanted their memory to be alive at Christmas.

One Christmas we mourned the loss of two babies.  Our second son was born at 24 weeks and lived for 3 weeks in the NICU before he passed away in January.  Then we got pregnant again right away and our third son was born in September.  He was only 21 weeks along and died during the delivery.  That was an extremely difficult Christmas season.  I made a stocking for each baby with their names on them and put those under the tree with our older sons.  I found two cute teddy bear ornaments that I put on the tree as a remembrance.  Each year we also put wreathes at their gravesite along with Christmas Bears.

The following Christmas we mourned the loss of two babies that were miscarried/ectopic pregnancy after IVF with a surrogate.

The next Christmas was a mix of emotions.  We mourned the loss of two more babies that were miscarried after IVF with a surrogate BUT we celebrated adding three kids to our family through adoption!

For me the feelings of grief have faded but they are still there.  Our second son that passed away was born On Dec. 30th and I was hospitalized on bed rest that Christmas so this time of year always stirs up those feelings.  I still have the two teddy bear ornaments from the boys and the stockings I put out are sometimes displayed and sometimes not.  All of our kids know about the two boys that died but we haven’t shared about the miscarriages.  It just seems like too much.  But I remember them.  I read the journals I wrote leading up to their conceptions and after.  And I remember them.

Take time this Christmas to remember your baby(s).  In whatever way seems right for you.  But remember them.

-Cindy

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